The Record

Dad says he is now thinking about not bringing Mom at all to the wake. (Already decided not to take her to the burial.) Not even to take her early just to say goodbye and then take her home. Nothing.

Says that it might make her slip more. And her friend June this afternoon, during her semi-annual visit, said maybe not to bring her too. Too much stress.

But this is her brother. I think it's intensely wrong not to allow her to say goodbye to her brother.

Doesn't seem to matter to Dad that having Stacey watch her, my brother's girlfriend and for all intents and purposes a stranger that Mom sees twice per year, is incredibly stressful.

I don't know. Knowing my mother as she was, she'd want to say goodbye. She's still locked inside there. I know it because she surfaces regularly.

So who are we really talking about here? I don't know.

When she slips, who is it worse on? Her or us? I don't know.

Is it right to deny her to chance to say goodbye? In private with him, I mean. Not with crowds of people around - we will not expose her to that, Dad finally agreed.

Or does it matter?

I don't fucking know.

Will it eventually occur to her that Dad's not taking her to see her brother anymore? I don't know. Dad has told her that he passed away, but other than sleeping a lot more than usual, she doesn't seem to have registered it. Actually, I think she has gone way deep inside.

Is it torturing her by forcing her to see her brother in the coffin? Or does it do her a kindness, because pictures mean more than words?

I have no idea.