Unshelved strip originally published on Wed, 10 Dec 2014
Jun. 13th, 2025 12:00 am![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png){kind=small}
unshelved_feedThis classic Unshelved strip originally appeared on Wed, 10 Dec 2014.
Sunshine Revival
Jun. 12th, 2025 04:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysabetwordsmithThe old ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
sunshine_challenge is defunct, but other folks are reviving it this summer with the sunshine_revival. See the schedule and link below for more information. Spread the word!
( Read more... )
sunshine_challenge is defunct, but other folks are reviving it this summer with the sunshine_revival. See the schedule and link below for more information. Spread the word!( Read more... )
update: client’s new employee is trying to take over my job
Jun. 12th, 2025 07:29 pmaskamanager_feedIt’s a special “where are you now?” season at Ask a Manager and I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.
Remember the letter-writer worrying that her client’s new employee was trying to take over her job (#3 at the link)? Here’s the update.
Thank you for your thoughtful response to my question, and also to everyone in the comments who responded.
I wrote my original letter at the end of a particularly frustrating day, and left out a few details which may provide more clarity. There were a few people in the comments who assumed that Sally, as an employee of the company, was also the client. The business is mostly staffed by freelancers, the majority of whom are remote and have their own areas of specialty. Sally is also freelance, but in a different area of the business from me. I had been working for my client for several years when Sally came on board.
Sally was taken on to gain experience in a certain part of the business. She has a related background to her own area, but no experience whatsoever in mine. However, as soon as she came on board it became clear that she was also keen to learn how to do what I do making comments on my work and “offering solutions,” as well as pointing out what she thought were “mistakes.” I was patient with her and even spent some time explaining the work I do, but she continued with the same behavior.
Sally then set up a new system where we could all access our to-do lists whether we were at home or in the office, so everyone knew what everyone else was working on. However, I could never access this system. I said so repeatedly, and Sally expressed concern, yet never did anything to allow me access. I do wonder whether this was possibly deliberate.
My client, in the meantime, was going through a lot in her personal life as well as trying to manage the expansion of her business, and she was frequently overwhelmed. Sally kept putting more and more “systems” in place that were supposed to streamline things, but actually ended up making more work for everyone. (For example, she came up with a system for naming documents with lengthy dates, status, etc., and every time anyone made a change to that document a new version would have to be saved with more initials, etc., so the drive ended up being cluttered with multiple versions of the same document. She then changed her mind after a few weeks of this and decided to use another naming system, which meant I couldn’t actually access any work for a couple of days because she asked us all “not to touch” anything while she renamed the entire drive full of documents in her new system. Looking back now, this seems like madness.)
The final straw came when my client gave me a project to work on with Sally. I had been setting up templates for a lot of the regular work in the business, based upon the guidelines I had created over the past few years in conjunction with my client. Sally was working with me to learn more about the templates, and also how to work with them. However, Sally seemed to decide that her actual role was to manage this process so, whenever I would send something through, she would tell me what she didn’t like about it and what I needed to do differently, even if this was in direct contravention of the guidelines I had in place. This ended up making the project longer and far more complicated than it needed to be, so it took twice as much time as necessary. One of the commenters asked if I was going to charge for the extra hours Sally added to my workload and yes, I did charge for the extra time.
This was when I wrote to Alison. I did end up speaking with my client, asking her why Sally had been put in a position of oversight of my work, especially when she has no experience in my field, and detailing some of my frustrations, including the fact everything was taking longer. My client responded that she heard my concerns, and would get back to me. However, she instead stopped giving me projects to work on, while at the same time asking me to look over a proposal from a company who offered similar services as me but at a much lower rate (so low that it actually wasn’t feasible they would be able to deliver what they promised). The ending was so abrupt that I didn’t even get to go back to the office to collect a coffee cup I’d left there on a previous visit! I was hurt and a little shocked by this, but I wrote her a polite note with my feedback about the other company and wished her well.
I then started to see work in my old area from the company that was full of errors, and assumed that Sally had taken over my old role. There was nothing I could do about that, so I removed myself from the situation entirely and chalked it up to the unstable world of freelancing.
However! A couple of months later, I ended up running into my old client at a mutual friend’s event. She was thrilled to see me, hugged me, and told me that she was sad she could no longer afford to use me and that she’d been doing my old work herself (which explained the errors). Sally was still working for her, but had been essentially demoted to doing basic tasks. I’d heard there was some instability in her industry, so was sad to hear she’d been affected. We ended up having a lovely conversation; we so often don’t get closure on situations like this, so it felt like a real gift. I genuinely wish my client well, and would be happy to work for her again in the future.
The post update: client’s new employee is trying to take over my job appeared first on Ask a Manager.
Books
Jun. 12th, 2025 02:23 pmysabetwordsmithA Rainbow of Queer Books for 2025: Orange
HAPPY PRIDE 2025! For Pride this year, we’re changing up our usual rec lists. Instead of doing books with specific identities or themes, we’re focused this time on cover color! Throughout the month of June, we’ll be doing 8 rec lists, each with covers inspired by one of the colors of the original Gilbert Baker Pride Flag. We drew a little additional inspiration from the meaning behind the color and why it was included in the original LGBTQIA+ flag (in this case, orange = healing), but we prioritized color over meaning. The contributors to this list are: Sanne, Tris Lawrence, Nina Waters, polls, Shannon, Linnea Peterson and Owl Outerbridge.
HAPPY PRIDE 2025! For Pride this year, we’re changing up our usual rec lists. Instead of doing books with specific identities or themes, we’re focused this time on cover color! Throughout the month of June, we’ll be doing 8 rec lists, each with covers inspired by one of the colors of the original Gilbert Baker Pride Flag. We drew a little additional inspiration from the meaning behind the color and why it was included in the original LGBTQIA+ flag (in this case, orange = healing), but we prioritized color over meaning. The contributors to this list are: Sanne, Tris Lawrence, Nina Waters, polls, Shannon, Linnea Peterson and Owl Outerbridge.
Birdfeeding
Jun. 12th, 2025 01:57 pmysabetwordsmithToday is cloudy and quite warm.
I fed the birds. I've seen a mixed flock of sparrows and house finches plus a mourning dove.
I put out water for the birds.
EDIT 6/12/25 -- I checked the firepit. It has burned down mostly to ashes. I started trimming weeds around the outside edge.
EDIT 6/12/25 -- I picked half a bag of mulberries in the savanna.
EDIT 6/12/25 -- I sowed Bee Lawn Mix on a bare patch beside the garden shed.
EDIT 6/12/25 -- I did a bit of work around the patio.
EDIT 6/12/25 -- I did a bit more work around the patio.
EDIT 6/12/25 -- I picked a bag of mulberries in the savanna.
EDIT 6/12/25 -- I finished trimming around the firepit.
EDIT 6/12/25 -- I trimmed more grass along the edge of the strip garden.
EDIT 6/12/25 -- I trimmed grass along the south edge of the patio.
EDIT 6/12/25 -- I trimmed brush along the edge of the strip garden.
EDIT 6/12/25 -- I trimmed weeds along the edge of the south sidewalk.
EDIT 6/12/25 -- I intended to lay the base for the next bonfire. I was only able to find one log big enough, and I need two. There are some older ones but they are buried under too much brush to reach. >_< And it started drizzling anyhow, so fuck it.
I am done for the night.
I fed the birds. I've seen a mixed flock of sparrows and house finches plus a mourning dove.
I put out water for the birds.
EDIT 6/12/25 -- I checked the firepit. It has burned down mostly to ashes. I started trimming weeds around the outside edge.
EDIT 6/12/25 -- I picked half a bag of mulberries in the savanna.
EDIT 6/12/25 -- I sowed Bee Lawn Mix on a bare patch beside the garden shed.
EDIT 6/12/25 -- I did a bit of work around the patio.
EDIT 6/12/25 -- I did a bit more work around the patio.
EDIT 6/12/25 -- I picked a bag of mulberries in the savanna.
EDIT 6/12/25 -- I finished trimming around the firepit.
EDIT 6/12/25 -- I trimmed more grass along the edge of the strip garden.
EDIT 6/12/25 -- I trimmed grass along the south edge of the patio.
EDIT 6/12/25 -- I trimmed brush along the edge of the strip garden.
EDIT 6/12/25 -- I trimmed weeds along the edge of the south sidewalk.
EDIT 6/12/25 -- I intended to lay the base for the next bonfire. I was only able to find one log big enough, and I need two. There are some older ones but they are buried under too much brush to reach. >_< And it started drizzling anyhow, so fuck it.
I am done for the night.
update: I can’t travel because my cat is sick — and my boss and coworkers are unhappy
Jun. 12th, 2025 05:59 pmaskamanager_feedIt’s a special “where are you now?” season at Ask a Manager and I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.
There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.
Remember the letter-writer who couldn’t travel because their cat was sick — and their boss and coworkers were unhappy? Here’s the update.
I didn’t get fired and I didn’t quit! About a week after I wrote in to Ask a Manager, I took Alison and commenters’ tough-love suggestions and initiated a conversation with my boss in which I acknowledged that I hadn’t been handling my pet and travel situation well (including the exchange with my coworker) and outlined how I’d be making changes. He was understanding, pleasantly surprised by my directness, and proposed things he could do that could help my experience as a remote worker aside from travel.
Some commenters suggested my problems could stem from performance, so without getting into details, I made it a challenge to up my game! Come December, I had my annual performance review and I got a healthy raise without asking for one.
We’ve settled into a less frequent but longer-duration travel schedule that my boss seems happy with — more like one 3 to 5-day trip per quarter to the home office rather than once a month. I also have other business travel that isn’t to the home office, so I’m going to be traveling about once a month this summer anyway.
Unfortunately, my cat’s quality of life continued to decline despite treatment (indicating perhaps undetected colon cancer on top of the pancreatitis) and we made the difficult decision to euthanize in January. Treatment became less stressful over time, and I’m glad we gave my cat a few more good months. He even would purr and bump my hands in anticipation of the fluid injections, which really lifted his spirits. Some commenters urged me to let my fiance help me, and I’m so grateful to him for how willing he was to help: he did every single injection for the remainder of my cat’s life because I struggled with it emotionally. I miss my cat all the time but haven’t adopted another because I don’t think I could handle it right now if another pet had health troubles. (I have had a few therapy sessions that were helpful in this regard.)
The timing meant that, although I was willing to make changes and knew how I’d do it, I actually didn’t have to travel again for work until after my cat had passed. I did immediately take the advice to be less vocal about my personal life in the workplace, however. I think almost all of my coworkers don’t know that my cat died because I haven’t broadcasted it, though I’ve confided in one or two pet-lovers who have been interested in talking about “life stuff.” It’s in general been freeing to be treated as a professional that can be trusted to get my work done.
Thank you to Alison and the AAM community!
The post update: I can’t travel because my cat is sick — and my boss and coworkers are unhappy appeared first on Ask a Manager.
Why Licensed Music Works So Well In “Megamind”
Jun. 12th, 2025 05:19 pmscalziwhatever_feed
If you know me, you know one thing I complain about a lot (and probably more than any sane person should) is the use of licensed music in animated movies. I especially hate the use of licensed music in Illumination studio movies. Though, I can recognize that I am biased because I hate Illumination as a whole and dislike 93.3% of their movies (I did the math).
There is one movie, though, in which I find the licensed music to not only be tolerable, but enjoyable. Megamind is the only movie where licensed music is absolutely essential throughout the film, and integral to the very character of Megamind himself.
Megamind is a flashy, theatrical villain who is in it for the love of the game. He lives for the showmanship and flamboyant performances that are the fights between him and Metro Man. As he says in the final fight of the movie, the difference between a villain and a supervillain is presentation. And you can see this ideal of his throughout the film.
In the first interaction with Roxanne Ritchi, where she has been kidnapped and is in Megamind’s evil lair, he unveils all these supervillain-esque devices to her in hopes to come across as a threatening villain. There’s alligators, spikes, a disc blade sort of thing, a mini gun, even a flamethrower. She is impressed by none of it, of course, and his confidence deflates as she mocks him. She also asks where they get all their blinky dials and Tesla coils, to which Minion responds that they come from an outlet store in Romania.
As we can see from this exchange, Megamind goes out of his way to aesthetically meet the requirements of being a villain. So much so that he even buys fake equipment from overseas to look professional. Essentially, he has props. Because he’s a theater kid!
Megamind is obsessed with the pageantry of heroes and villains. We can see this in the exchanges he has with Metro Man and their “witty” banter about microwave warranties. He loves it so much that when he is training Hal to be a superhero, he specifically tries to teach him how to have that same back-and-forth like Metro Man did with him. Even during their first fight, Megamind says “Now it’s time for some witty back-and-forth banter!”
Right before this fight, Megamind accuses Hal of being “unprofessional” and that Metro Man would’ve never kept him waiting, because he was a pro. Hal isn’t “professional” enough for Megamind, and when Hal catches him after their fight and says he’s going to kill him, Megamind says “that isn’t how you play the game.” Proof that Megamind sees this all as a big stage play. It’s a game to him, and one he loves and takes great care in making sure all of the details and specifics are just right and fit his ideal narrative perfectly.
In this same vein, Megamind is obsessed with perfecting his outfit, the Black Mamba, for his first fight with Hal. He wants his costume to look good for his big battle. For what is a good show without the costuming department? In the beginning of the movie, he intentionally points out that he’s wearing custom baby seal leather boots just to prove to everyone he is the bad guy. Look how evil he is, see how dastardly Megamind is. He’s obsessed with painting this picture of himself that presents himself as heinous and diabolical.
Which is exactly why all of the licensed music in this movie fits Megamind perfectly. More often than not, he is the one actually playing the music out loud. When he takes over Metro City, he tells Minion to “hit it” and plays “Highway to Hell” on a big boom box that Minion carries around. He proceeds to dance to it, and makes his smoke show entrance to city hall while it plays. For his final fight with Hal, he plays “Welcome to the Jungle” out loud and creates a huge smoke and light show with his Brain Bots. This is the part where he proclaims “presentation!” is the key to super villain. At the end of the movie, he plays “Bad” on an even bigger boom box and him and Roxanne dance to it.
The point here is that his music choices are intentional. The songs are tools that serve his purpose of painting himself as an iconic, nefarious villain. The licensed music isn’t just thrown in, it’s part of the world and a part of Megamind himself. It is intentional. And it works.
God, I love Megamind.
Do you like Megamind? Do you hate licensed music as much as I do, or am I just obsessed with something niche? Should I talk about why Despicable Me is the only good Illumination movie? Let me know in the comments, and have a great day!
-AMS
How to Secure Yarn End on a Ball
Jun. 12th, 2025 12:21 pmysabetwordsmithUse a hair clip. It holds securely, doesn't damage yarn, molds to the shape of the ball, and tells you exactly where the end is.
updates: rebuilding a department after an abusive manager, saying grace at team meals, and more
Jun. 12th, 2025 04:29 pmaskamanager_feedIt’s a special “where are you now?” season at Ask a Manager and I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are four updates from past letter-writers.
There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.
1. How do I rebuild a department after an abusive manager?
I wanted to provide an update and also some clarification of the ongoing situation with Marcy. Many commenters felt that the situation was irredeemable, and the only path forward was to fire Marcy. My organization has a very high bar for termination, and since this bad behavior wasn’t ongoing, that just wasn’t an option for me. So, here’s what I did: I engaged in regular coaching with Marcy to emphasize the importance of a safe, trusting work environment and to help her navigate situations that could have triggered bad behavior. She independently sought some training on her own, and I think the combination of those things has helped her be a better manager. One of her direct reports even told me that things have improved. I also set up biannual one-on-ones with all of my managers’ direct reports and an “open door” policy. I’ve taken action, based on some of these conversations, and I’m hopeful that they feel heard, even if I can’t tell them specifically what’s going on with Marcy. I’m sure that gaining their trust will take more than that, but it allows me to have some great conversations with the larger department and provides a space for discussion of hard topics, as well as strategies, ideas, unrelated complaints, etc.
While Marcy is improving, I just don’t think keeping her in her current position is the best path forward. Plus, now that I’ve been here a bit, I can see other changes that need to be made. So, I’ve presented the CEO with a plan to reorganize my department. This would include moving Marcy to a different team. This team needs some additional help, and Marcy’s skills are well suited to the work. She would be an individual contributor, so she wouldn’t have any direct reports and would work solo much of the time. My hope is that this solution is a win-win, providing the new team with the extra resources they need and ensuring all members of my department have a decent manager. I am hopeful that the administration will approve my plan, but regardless of the outcome, I will continue to work closely with Marcy to ensure that she stays on track, and I’m documenting everything (good and bad) in the event that further action is needed.
2. My manager is trying to hold me back (#2 at the link)
I decided to stay and things have greatly improved at my job.
I’m an avid reader of Ask A Manager so with advice I’ve gathered from your site, in addition to books I’ve read about work politics and social dynamics, I decided to be strategic in trying to make my job into something that would make both myself and my manager happy.
As part of my annual evaluation (which I got the highest possible rating on!) I used it as an opportunity to write out exactly what I was looking for while also letting my manager know how much I enjoy getting to work with him. For example, I said I wanted more opportunities to present, more leadership opportunities with new hires, and that I wanted a science-heavy project that would be solely mine. I now have all of these!
I always try to be kind to everyone at work, regardless of their position in the hierarchy. To get out of the admin assistant work, I noticed who is close with the Real Big Bosses and would let it slip that I wanted less admin work and more science work. Suddenly, the admin work got moved to the admin team. I still have some admin tasks but most of my tasks are technical work. Sometimes work politics can be used for good and can help you. I love my job and my relationship with my manager and team has never been better. :)
3. We’re supposed to say grace at the start of team meals
How I wish my update was I was not longer at this job! But alas, I still am (and remain actively on the job hunt). I appreciate the advice you and those in the comments gave, but ultimately have not had to use them. Not because people on their own realized having group grace is weird, or because someone else spoke up, but because between that letter and now my agency has moved into a new office space. It is one that is too small to fit all staff and we’re hoteling (even my own department can’t come in on the same day, there is not enough room). There is not even a meeting room large enough to fit just my department, much less fit the entire agency. So it has not been an issue recently; we can’t gather easily.
I imagine once it is determined how to request usage of a conference room from one of the other agencies that use this building, we will inevitably have something that involves a group meal … and probably group grace. In the year since I wrote you, I’ve only realized more and more how useless it would be to speak up on it (or any issue) to anyone. The staff, including the director, are constantly at odds with each other on everything. Meetings where people shout at each other are not uncommon. So I imagine if I brought it up to my director, they’d push back on this being one of the few “nice things” that happens where everyone is being cordial. Even though, clearly, it does not make everyone comfortable.
All I can say is send me positive vibes on finding a new job soon.
4. My new office building keeps giving me static shocks (#4 at the link)
Unfortunately nothing much has changed around the static problem in the office. I put in a ticket with the building maintenance and they sent someone over with something to test the humidity by my desk, said it was within normal range, and closed out the ticket. Unfortunately as we went into the winter season, the static shock got worse in the elevator lobbies (far from my desk) and I now just slap every metal surface I have to touch so that it’s a wider surface area. On the plus side, I’ve now found out that more people have static shock and can sympathize with each other.
The post updates: rebuilding a department after an abusive manager, saying grace at team meals, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.
Thursday
Jun. 12th, 2025 09:15 amsusandennisJust got word that Aqua Yoga resumes on July 7! Turns out, I really miss it so I'm delighted. Volleyball was good this morning so the pool hiatus is now well and truly over. Whew.
I've now made 26 Pride Monsters. There are two out on the shelf but they won't be there long. I have yarn for probably 20 more and then I'll go back to curly headed dolls. I do want to come up with a Halloween offering and I have two potentials in mind. I need to make them up and then run them by the final arbitrator: Martha.
I learned to knit when I was 6 so I've been fiddling with yarn for 70 years and last week, I came across the most genius tip ever. I've always rolled balls of yarn and tucked the ends into the last few windings. This kind of works except sometimes it does not and always, finding the ends is a bitch.
Then, last week, I saw this on Bluesky. I cannot even find the post now. I'd dearly love to thank the author. These clips are perfect. They do not snag the yarn, they mold to the curve of the ball exactly. They do not let go of the yarn and you always know where the end is. I'm a little bit pissed that I didn't know about it years ago but I'm delighted with it now.
Today the sun is behind clouds and oh the relief of having it hidden! I'm going to celebrate by going out and doing my Amazon returns and maybe stopping at Trader Joes. Or Safeway.
I've now made 26 Pride Monsters. There are two out on the shelf but they won't be there long. I have yarn for probably 20 more and then I'll go back to curly headed dolls. I do want to come up with a Halloween offering and I have two potentials in mind. I need to make them up and then run them by the final arbitrator: Martha.
I learned to knit when I was 6 so I've been fiddling with yarn for 70 years and last week, I came across the most genius tip ever. I've always rolled balls of yarn and tucked the ends into the last few windings. This kind of works except sometimes it does not and always, finding the ends is a bitch.
Then, last week, I saw this on Bluesky. I cannot even find the post now. I'd dearly love to thank the author. These clips are perfect. They do not snag the yarn, they mold to the curve of the ball exactly. They do not let go of the yarn and you always know where the end is. I'm a little bit pissed that I didn't know about it years ago but I'm delighted with it now.
Today the sun is behind clouds and oh the relief of having it hidden! I'm going to celebrate by going out and doing my Amazon returns and maybe stopping at Trader Joes. Or Safeway.
let’s hear your weird summer intern stories
Jun. 12th, 2025 02:59 pmaskamanager_feedOver the years, we’ve heard about an an intern who gave another intern a tattoo in the office conference room; an intern who set up a cot for himself in a large open work space, complete with pillow shams; an intern who was blown away by an electric stapler; an intern who desperately wanted to work from a patio, and many more.
As we begin another summer internship season, we must hear your weirdest/funniest/worst stories about interns. Share in the comments.
The post let’s hear your weird summer intern stories appeared first on Ask a Manager.
Groceries on Scooter
Jun. 12th, 2025 03:30 amysabetwordsmithThis guy has Turq's level of skill at bag-wrangling. See "Filled with Joyous Surprises" for Turq's version.
Hobbies: Ceramics
Jun. 12th, 2025 01:11 amysabetwordsmithFolks have mentioned an interest in questions and conversations that make them think. So I've decided to offer more of those. This batch features hobbies.
Ceramics is a hobby of making things from clay. It can include practical things like dishes or ornamental things like sculptures.
On Dreamwidth, consider creative communities likecrafty, get_knitted, justcreate, or nacramamo.
( Read more... )
Ceramics is a hobby of making things from clay. It can include practical things like dishes or ornamental things like sculptures.
On Dreamwidth, consider creative communities like
crafty, get_knitted, justcreate, or nacramamo.( Read more... )
A New Cover Song: “God Only Knows”
Jun. 12th, 2025 04:47 amscalziwhatever_feedObviously, to commemorate the passing of Brian Wilson, one of the great pop songwriters of this or any other era. This cover is a rather pale imitation of many different versions of this song, not withstanding the Beach Boys’ own version, but it is also a perfect song, able to withstand me essaying it. I produced it to sound like what you might hear if it came on a transistor radio, which I think is fitting for the song and its era. Enjoy.
— JS
Photos: Dark Gardening
Jun. 11th, 2025 11:49 pmysabetwordsmithI enjoy growing dark-colored plants. I have black flowers, bronze leaves, black fruits, all kinds of interesting things.
( Walk with me ... )
( Walk with me ... )
taking a job where my ex works, should I stay up-to-date during maternity leave, and more
Jun. 12th, 2025 04:03 amaskamanager_feedIt’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. Taking a job at a large company where my ex works
I’m in the final stages of interviews for a position I am excited about, and I hope to receive an offer. My ex-partner works at this company. We haven’t spoken since the break-up, which was more than three years ago. I initiated our break-up after eight fairly serious months of dating, but did it as kindly as I could — and after many conversations and trying many strategies to see if the relationship could work — and my ex took it graciously, although they were incredibly sad.
Am I supposed to disclose this to anyone at the company? I don’t feel like I need to, since the break-up was not dramatic in any way (just heartbreaking), and we didn’t date for that long in the grand scheme of things. Raising the topic would feel like I would be making it more of a big deal than it is. Moreover, it’s a large organization and my ex’s team is in no way connected to the team I would be joining. It’s possible it would take us weeks or months to even bump into each other. But I want to check that my instinct is correct.
Second, is it wise to tell my ex? Either shortly after I accept an offer, if an offer were to come; shortly before I start, or after I start? The anxious, spiralling part of me wonders if they would object to my joining the company and make it into a problem, even though I don’t think that’s in their character. They are fairly senior in the organization, but an entirely separate division than the one I hope to join.
Since you wouldn’t be working together and it’s a large company, you don’t need to disclose it during the hiring process. It doesn’t sound like it would present any kind of conflict of interest or other issue.
The question about telling your ex is trickier. Ideally I think you’d tell them after you accepted the offer but before your first day, just to avoid any surprise run-ins when you start. But if you want to be absolutely safe (in terms of ensuring they won’t raise objections to your hiring before you’ve started), you could wait until after you’ve already started work and send them a short note at that point. Or you could not raise it at all and just figure that you’ll deal with it at whatever point you do encounter each other. But I think most people would prefer a brief, polite heads-up (a matter-of-fact one, not one that assumes they’ll find the news troubling) before they randomly spot you in the cafeteria one day.
Since your ex doesn’t sound prone to drama, the break-up sounds respectful on both sides, and this was all three years ago, hopefully this won’t be a big issue.
2. Can I give feedback to students who ask me for recommendations?
I’m a college professor who frequently is asked by students to write them letters of recommendation for various things. Generally speaking, I’m happy to do this. However, there’s a trend of some students who didn’t build a particularly strong relationship with me in class (but were fine students overall) who reach out to me continually to presumably maintain the relationship, and then to ask me for a letter. The problem is these follow-up emails (letting me know what they’re doing, asking me vaguely how I’m doing) often ring false, and border on obsequious or sycophantic. They’ll talk about how much they loved my class but not mention anything specific, or ask for book recommendations and then never mention the books again, or tell me over and over again how my class changed their life (when let’s be real, just isn’t the case).
So far, these have all been students I’m basically happy to write a letter for. But I feel like agreeing to write the letter without some other professional feedback sends them the signal that they’re doing this right, when what I want to tell them is to just be more straightforward and honest. Maybe it’s not ideal that you didn’t build a stronger relationship with me previously such that asking for a letter would feel natural, but I get that! I know sometimes we need letters from people we didn’t expect. But then it’s okay to just say, “I appreciated your class and would like to ask for a recommendation.” Fawning hollowly just makes me feel gross or like a joke and makes them seem dishonest. Is there any feedback I could give them about this, or should I just let it slide?
Can you address it toward the end of the semester with your classes as a whole? For example, you could say that you love to stay in touch with students and would enjoy hearing updates from them in the future, but that doing that is absolutely not a prerequisite to get a letter of recommendation from you, and if they need a letter and think you’re well-positioned to provide one, they can simply ask rather than feeling they need to do any sort of performative dance for you first.
I think that approach is better than trying to address it with individual students after the fact (partly to avoid raising it with someone who truly was trying to connect but just sounding a little stilted about it).
3. Should I stay up-to-date during my maternity leave?
I’m on month two of maternity leave, scheduled to go back just after July 4th. I love my job and I cannot wait to return. I’ve been in touch with my colleagues via text message, and I go through my work email daily to clean out trash and forward time-sensitive items to folks who can handle them while I’m on leave (and to lurk on what’s happening). My question is about how much preparation/upkeep I should do before I rejoin my team.
I’m in a director-level SME-like position, so while I’ve been on leave my colleagues have covered my area but only at a high level. I am torn because I understand that parental leave is a benefit I am entitled to in my state and at my organization, and it’s important to take this time to recover and bond with my child. At the same time, I will definitely need to jump back in with both feet to make up for the time I’ve been out.
Should I be working to stay up-to-date on my area, like reading new regulations so I’m already up to speed when I go back? Or does that invalidate the concept of parental leave and set a bad precedent for my colleagues who take leave in the future? In other words, should I work now to make it easier to start back later or should I shut up and savor doing nothing even thought it will be a scramble when leave ends? Does it depend on how high up in the organization you are?
Ideally your leave should be real leave — meaning you aren’t doing any work. You shouldn’t need to work to stay up-to-date while you’re out; you can do that when you get back.
That said, some people feel much less stressed if they don’t disconnect completely, and you sound like you might be one of them. Still, I think you should challenge yourself to stay out of your work email for a week (or better yet, two weeks) and see if you can find the joy in disconnecting completely. If you can’t, you can’t … but we get so few opportunities in our work lives to disconnect for months at a time that I hate to see you not make use of this one.
4. HR won’t act on workplace anti-semitism
I’m writing on behalf of a friend who is experiencing a difficult situation at work and could use some advice. She is Jewish and lives in a very left-leaning city in the U.S. Recently, she’s been facing anti-semitism at her workplace. For example, a swastika was placed in the lobby of her office building, and no one took action. Shortly after, graffiti saying “kill all Zionists” appeared near her office, again with no response from management. She’s feeling increasingly isolated and unsafe, to the point where she has stopped wearing her chai necklace and has started carrying pepper spray for protection.
Her job does not allow for remote work. She requested a transfer to another office location. HR denied the request, explaining that antisemitism is widespread throughout the city and that a transfer wouldn’t resolve the issue.
Would you consider this a toxic or hostile work environment? Should HR be required to intervene in situations like this? If so, could you suggest how she might approach HR or management to advocate for herself? We’d appreciate any guidance that you could offer.
This is awful.
Yes, her employer has a legal obligation to ensure her workplace is free of religiously-based harassment, which this certainly is. Legally her employer is obligated to investigate and take steps to ensure it doesn’t continue. And yes, if they don’t, this qualifies as “hostile workplace,” which is harassing conduct that is (a) based on a person’s race, religion, sex, disability, or other protected class and (b) “severe or pervasive enough to create a work environment that a reasonable person would consider intimidating, hostile, or abusive.”
If she wants to pursue it, the next step would be for her to email HR with the words “official complaint of religious harassment” in the subject line and say that she’s requesting they meet their obligations under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act and address the religious harassment she’s been facing. She could also talk with a lawyer about how to proceed (which doesn’t mean bringing legal action, necessarily; lawyers can advise on next steps from behind the scenes).
5. Putting upcoming time off in your email signature
With summer here, I’m curious what your take is on putting upcoming time off in email signatures. A few people on my team have started doing this (for example, “Upcoming: June 16-20 OOO”). We have very externally-facing roles communicating with a small group of stakeholders on a semi-regular basis throughout the summer. While I see some value in letting those folks know when I won’t be available, do they really need to know that I’ll be out, if I have a colleague who can be responsive to them while I’m out? Their needs/questions aren’t likely to be pre-planned, so it doesn’t feel like them knowing I’ll be out will encourage them to ask questions earlier. Also, at the end of the summer, we’re rated on how well we support these stakeholders. Does having upcoming OOOs in our emails run the risk that we’ll be seen as unavailable? The large majority of stakeholders don’t reach out proactively over the summer — it’s mostly me checking in with them — so the chances of them reaching out and getting my regular away message are pretty slim.
The more I write, the more I feel like I’m not a fan of the practice for myself, but I’m still curious for your thoughts!
It probably doesn’t matter very much either way. If anything, it sounds like it might be overkill since these folks aren’t reaching out to you very often and if they do, you have someone lined up to respond to them. But there’s also no harm in including it, and I doubt that highlighting that you take an occasional vacation will make them see you as unavailable, particularly since they’re still able to get their needs met by someone else while you’re away.
It might be interesting to ask the people in your office who are adding it to their signatures what made them start (who knows, maybe something happened that spurred it), but I wouldn’t be surprised if one person did it randomly and other people just followed suit.
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Jun. 12th, 2025 04:40 amapod_feed
Do you know the names of some of the brightest stars?
Fireflies
Jun. 11th, 2025 09:06 pmysabetwordsmithFirefly species discovered after 90-year absence: 'Even when things seem lost, they can still find their way back'
Tan soon realized that he was looking at a Pteroptyx gombakia, or a Gombak bent-winged firefly. The discovery marked the first time that the species had been identified in 90 years — and the first live sighting of the species, ever.
Yay, fireflies!
Tan soon realized that he was looking at a Pteroptyx gombakia, or a Gombak bent-winged firefly. The discovery marked the first time that the species had been identified in 90 years — and the first live sighting of the species, ever.
Yay, fireflies!
Unshelved strip originally published on Tue, 09 Dec 2014
Jun. 12th, 2025 12:00 amunshelved_feedThis classic Unshelved strip originally appeared on Tue, 09 Dec 2014.
