SheSingsNow (
shesingsnow) wrote2022-01-02 03:21 pm
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Twenty Years, this journal
At the end of this year, I'll capture this line and attempt to draw meaning from it - this line starts the theme for the twentieth year of this journal.
Last year's theme was clearly "Work". I didn't actually set a theme - it simply happened upon me. This year end I was lucky on two counts: I had two weeks of vacation at the end of the year, and I didn't get assigned a massive year-long objective that I had to plan for during the break. (I got assigned something, to be sure, but it didn't require my working on it during the break.)
This year, I'm choosing a theme: Create.
But I didn't create anything new this year, other than some good PowerPoint slides at work and a new scarf that I crocheted to give away as a Christmas gift.
I am sufficiently freaked that my mother started to decline at age 52, and I am age 51 and a half. In other words, now or never, even if "now" means by the inch. That's how you grow a garden, according to the song.
I've long used it to pour out every bit of angst/struggle, such that I might release it. I've had good reason to need an outlet. But sometimes the outlet has been a reason for the angst/struggle to exist, which was never the intention. It's kinda like setting a metric and then the behavior changes to meet the metric.
I want to shift this journal to containing things I want to remember, starting today. I might not always succeed, but it's a good intent for the third decade here. I think it complements the drive I'm feeling to create for this world.
Off to it, then.
Last year's theme was clearly "Work". I didn't actually set a theme - it simply happened upon me. This year end I was lucky on two counts: I had two weeks of vacation at the end of the year, and I didn't get assigned a massive year-long objective that I had to plan for during the break. (I got assigned something, to be sure, but it didn't require my working on it during the break.)
This year, I'm choosing a theme: Create.
But I didn't create anything new this year, other than some good PowerPoint slides at work and a new scarf that I crocheted to give away as a Christmas gift.
I am sufficiently freaked that my mother started to decline at age 52, and I am age 51 and a half. In other words, now or never, even if "now" means by the inch. That's how you grow a garden, according to the song.
I've long used it to pour out every bit of angst/struggle, such that I might release it. I've had good reason to need an outlet. But sometimes the outlet has been a reason for the angst/struggle to exist, which was never the intention. It's kinda like setting a metric and then the behavior changes to meet the metric.
I want to shift this journal to containing things I want to remember, starting today. I might not always succeed, but it's a good intent for the third decade here. I think it complements the drive I'm feeling to create for this world.
Off to it, then.
no subject
The purpose of writing out my angst is to release it and find a solution to it via the writing process. Often that IS successful. Solutions sometimes come when I least expect them and occasionally become obvious as I write, as I separate them from inside my mind.
However, often it works in reverse. I can become even more angst-filled the more I write about it. Sometimes, it's better to avoid writing about it and divert my energies and attention elsewhere.
I don't always know which way to go.